Wednesday, October 31, 2012

22 weeks

How far along? 22  
Baby is the size of: Papaya! Broke the 1 pound mark this week. Big girl! :) 
Total weight gain: Probably 14...or 15 if I factor in all the Halloween candy I consumed last night.   
Maternity clothes? Oh yah. Nothing new though. I need to make a trip to stock up soon.       
Stretch marks?   Nope, but my belly has been so stinkin itchy lately. Yikes.  
Sleep: Pretty well! The cold(er) weather and our snuggly bed is making it harder and harder to wake up in the morning.   
Best moment this week: Halloween candy? haha I've never consumed that much in my life. I just literally couldn't stop. It was also fun painting the bump! Costumes are mine and Jake's thing, but we have about 2,000 other things going on this year and got lazy and decided not to dress up. BUUTTT I just couldn't NOT do sommeeetttthing festive. 

Miss Anything? Being able to breathe while walking up stairs. So embarrassing to wheeze my way up in front of a mob of high school students.      
Movement: All the time. We are feeling (and seeing) more and more flips and wiggles instead of just kicks and punches. I love it so much.     
Food cravings: CANDY! and In n Out. My sweet husband was going to drive me 20 minutes to get it the other night, but then got sick and couldn't. I've been thinking about it ever since.  
Anything making you queasy or sick: Besides too much candy? Nope!   
Gender: A little lady!    

Labor Signs: No, obvi. 
Symptoms: Headaches! And the round ligament pain is back.  
Belly Button in or out? in, but omg it's getting shallow lol 
Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! 
Looking forward to: THANKSGIVING!!! Guys, it's bad. I literally sit and think about Thanksgiving dinner!  Plus I get to wear pants that expand with me! Score. 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Back Home

     I have the day off today, so earlier this morning I was in the bathroom leisurely putting on my makeup and listening to iTunes. I hate getting ready more than anything, but on days like today I am at peace and calm. I like taking my time, and sipping on tea, and scratching Gatsby's belly with my toes as he lays at my feet. I was applying mascara of all things when Back Home by JJ Heller started to play.  I froze, the mascara wand still in my hand, and immediately began to cry. Now, I am pregnant, and could definitely use that as an excuse for my uncontrollable emotions, but that wasn't the cause this time.
     As JJ sang the first line of that beautiful song, my head and heart were transported back to a moment I don't think I will ever forget. It was 3 1/2 months ago, and Jake and I were in the car on our way to San Diego. A week earlier we had been told that I had miscarried the baby we were so excited to bring into the world. A week earlier I received a D&C. That horrible, horrible week had been filled with tears, anger, confusion, and emptiness. I felt so drained and pitiful, and was beyond ready to get away for the week and spend some quality time with my husband. It was a long trip, and neither of us felt much like talking, so the previous 2 hours of driving down I-5 had been spent listening to our favorites: Coldplay, Phil Wickham, and then JJ Heller. I had listened to her Painted Red album often, but as soon as track 4 began to play, I felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of my body. I continued to sit silently, listening to each word, with tears literally streaming down my face. My sunglasses were on and I tried so hard not to let Jake see my reaction. The week had been equally hard for both of us, and I didn't want him to have to deal with one more of my emotional break downs. Either I wasn't doing a good enough job, or he instinctively knew, but as soon as she started singing the chorus, he grabbed my hand. It was all too much. The sadness, the guitar, the beautiful words that spoke directly to my broken heart, the love of my husband, the love of my God.
     I gave in to the lump in my throat, and really cried, not worrying about what the woman in the next car thought of me. I finally accepted it all. Yes, this was a bad time in our lives. No, we don't know why it happened. Yes, I was perplexed. No, I was not in despair. Yes, I was struck down. No, I was not destroyed. I accepted the song's message. I would not get used to sadness. I would put my hope in what is true. My God did not leave me. He loved me. He was carrying me. He wanted me back home.
     As we continued to drive, I had no idea that in three days I would be sitting in an ER, 5 hours away from home, finding out that our precious baby had been protected by God and was alive with a heartbeat inside of my womb. I had absolutely no idea just how bright the sun would be shining on me.
     So this morning, with my growing belly pressed up against the bathroom counter, as I thoughtlessly applied my mascara, that beautiful song had a whole new meaning. God's promises are true. They are real, and meaningful, and amazingly fulfilling. Even if our trip to San Diego had not ended up the way it had, I would have been ok. I would have been healing, and maybe even pregnant again at this point. But that's not the plan God had for me or our precious daughter Brielle. I would have known no different, but now instead, I am fully aware of the overwhelming power of God and his promises. Whatever may come, and however the wind may blow, I know more than ever how faithful the Son is.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

20 weeks.

I'm not fully sideways in this one, but you get the idea...the belly is bigger lol

How far along? 20 and a half!.....actually 2 days shy of 21. I'm horrible at this.  
Baby is the size of: A small cantaloupe. Holy crap. 
Total weight gain: I'm estimating 12. I really need a scale though.  
Maternity clothes? A couple of new maternity shirts, and I bought some more non maternity cardigans yesterday (like I needed any) that will hopefully make my few maternity clothes go farther.      
Stretch marks?   Negative. I'm still rubbing on that cream, though! 
Sleep: Pretty well! The freaky pregnancy dreams are creeping their way back, though.  
Best moment this week: It was actually last week, but hearing that our anomaly scan came back perfectly! Baby girl is healthy as can be and growing right on track. My doctor referred me out to get one done since I am still being called high risk because of everything that happened in the early pregnancy. I was anxious to get the results back, so it was a huge relief to hear that everything looks great. 

Miss Anything? Nope. I got some non raw sushi yesterday, and that satisfied my craving. I am still looking forward to some nice raw stuff post pregnancy, but it did the trick for now :)     
Movement: Omg yes. Alllllll the time. Almost everybody has been able to feel her at this point. Wild girl.    
Food cravings: Can't think of anything new or specific. Pretty much everything sounds good haha  
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope! I had a super easy first trimester, but even I can appreciate how easy the second is.   
Gender: Confirmed she is still a girl at the scan lol   

Labor Signs: No, obvi. 
Symptoms: My skin is still being a brat, but nothing much. I truly love being pregnant so far. Even if it is requiring a little extra concealer. 
Belly Button in or out? in, but omg it's getting shallow lol 
Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy. We have had a very exciting week. Everything seems to be falling into place. All of this, plus the weather change and some fun quality time together has made Jakey and I pretty happy recently. 
Looking forward to: Our appointment on Thursday. Since my insurance covers it, my doctor is going to do another ultrasound then. I love getting to see our sweet girl this often.