Thursday, April 11, 2013

one month.

Weight: 9 pounds, 2 ounces.
Height: 21 inches
Clothing size: Mostly newborn. She outgrew a couple onesies, but most of the stuff is still fitting...and some of it she hasn't even grown into. I have so many cute 0-3 stuff I'm dying to put her in, but I'm soaking up her littleness while it lasts :) 
Diaper size: Officially a 1. 
Feeding: Omg feeding is SO much easier. The first couple weeks felt like I literally had her attached to me 24/7, but she is starting to get in a routine. She eats every 2-3 hours for about 30 minutes. Sometimes longer because she tends to mess around a lot.
Sleep: This is getting SO much better too. We panicked when we came home from the hospital and she HATED her bassinet. I mean LOATHED it. She would sleep for like 30 minutes at a time. I finally broke down and let her in bed, and just like magic, she slept four hours straight haha silly girl. We Jake hated the idea of her being in bed (he is the heaviest sleeper ever) and I hated the idea of having to get her out of bed at some point, so we bought the Fisher Price Rock N Play Sleeper. OMG! Jesus handcrafted it himself. He had to. She will sleep in it for about 3.5 to 4 hours straight. She usually falls asleep around 8pm, either in her pack n play or Jake's arms. Then wakes up at 12 to feed. I don't really count that one because I'm typically still awake. Then she will wake again at about 3:30 or 4, and will wake up at around 7, but usually just eats and falls asleep again. It hasn't been too bad at all.
Milestones: Can lift her head really well. She will follow things with her eyes. And at 3.5 weeks she rolled from her belly to her back. It wasn't just a one time deal, either. She does it all the time.
Mommy and Daddy's best memories this month: The first week home together. It was so fun to literally just sit and stare and love our little girl. We loved having Jake off of work, and can't wait until summer vacation. This past week has been fun for me since everything has suddenly become SO much easier. I'm still tired and motherhood is by no means an easy gig, but I've been able to relax and enjoy my little girl. So blessed!

Monday, April 8, 2013

every new mom needs a jake yeager.

during the last days of my pregnancy, i thought a lot about what my life was going to turn into. i tried to imagine the feelings i was about to feel. i fully understood that i could not fully understand. i was prepared to love brielle more than i thought was emotionally possible. i was prepared for my heart to explode.

what i wasn't prepared for was the change in love i would feel for my husband. you hear horror stories of women screaming obscenities to their spouses during labor. the famous, "YOU DID THIS TO ME," line. you hear about women quickly forgetting their husband's needs. about women who suddenly become irritated with their man. men who can't do anything right. i know we are only a month into this parenting gig, but i've never loved jake more.

jake and i fell in love when we were 14 & 15 years old. there is a special sort of passion you feel at that young of an age. the innocence and invincibility of being a teenager allows you to love hard, to love without bounds. when i think about the first couple years of our relationship, my heart swells up with joy. i have the sweetest memories of dashboard confessional, starbucks caramel apple ciders, kissing at all the stop signs on the way home on a friday night, and spending hours on the phone dreaming up our future. our life and our love was so simple, so sweet, so organic. as we grew up together and began to live that future we used to dream about, our love changed. it wasn't bad, but it was different. inevitably that reckless and silly love matured. real life kicked in, and we had to face college, living in different cities, work, money, and every else that sucks about being an adult. but of course, we pulled through, and my love for jake grew stronger and deeper. when we got engaged in december of 2010, a bit of that teenage love came back, and again after we were married two junes ago. but on march 9th, 2013, i was hit full force with a love for him more powerful than ever before.

i'm (obviously) not too shy or private of a person, but it's funny how any ounce of modesty disappears when you're in labor. i mentioned this in my last post, but jake literally couldn't have been a more perfect partner during brielle's delivery. homeboy saw more bodily fluids than any man should. he held my barf bag during those gnarly contractions. he allowed me to come close to breaking every bone in his poor ol' hand just to help me ease my pain. he even tried to hide the fact that he was drinking a vanilla coke for goodness sake. that's true love. i didn't curse, blame, or raise my voice at jake once. not because i'm a good person, but because i was so overwhelmed with appreciation for him. in those moments when i felt my weakest, i didn't think i could love him more.

then brielle was born. the look on his face. endless love and joy. it will truly be etched into my brain forever. who knew seeing your husband fall in love with another girl would feel so good. i've said before that i used to desperately want a boy. a mamas boy. a little man to play in the dirt with, to watch baseball games with, to rough house. now, i quickly realized how amazing it is to be the mama to a sweet little lady, but the moment i saw jake holding his girl, i was sold.

he loves her so much. and watching their love has ignited ours. i swoon every time he calls her beautiful (which is approximately every 30 seconds), and i've sat for hours and watched them snuggle (their favorite past time).

not only have i been blown away with how he loves her, his love for me has never been more clear. the guy has been my lifesaver. my own lactation consultant. literally helping me latch her on that first week home when i didn't know what on earth i was doing, and couldn't remember one thing they told me at the hospital. my own butler. spending hours of his day grabbing me water, a snack, the remote, anything and everything while i'm stationed on the couch, nursing our hungry hungry hippo. my own therapist. sitting and listening to my countless breakdowns those first two weeks. not judging me when i cried and pleaded to go back to the hospital our first night home, because i was certain i couldn't raise this baby without all my favorite nurses from l&d. he's been nothing short of selfless, kind, patient, and loving to me. i couldn't appreciate it more.

while we have yet to play any dashboard or kiss at any stop signs, we have fallen in love all over. we still have to pay our mortgage and mow the lawn and scrub the toilets and although life has sped up and become so complicated, it has also slowed down and become so simple and sweet. we love God, each other, our puppy, and our girl. our families are unmatched and our friends are amazing. what else could we ever need? life is good and now that i have fully comprehended that, i can breath and love jake like i did when i was 14. reckless & innocent. passionate & pure. without bounds.

i know that soon this new found passion and will begin to fizzle and fade, but for now i will bask in the return of this silly kind of love. and hey, maybe soon(ish) we can rekindle that fire with baby #2. i do still REAALLLLLLY want my boy....

disclaimer: while all the above is absolute and true, i have also spent many a night glaring at jake with just as passionate anger while he snores away during another midnight feeding. he's lucky i haven't smothered him with a pillow ;)