emotional late night ramblings.

brielle is quickly approaching the 4 month mark, and i just can't believe it. it feels like she just became ours, and it feels like she's been ours forever.
i love her so much.
i love her so much it really truly hurts.
sometimes i just cry at the thought of her.
happy tears because she's the purest and most beautiful person i know. sad tears because she's growing too quickly.
i want to share her with everybody and keep her all to myself. i want to see her as a big girl and relive her first days. i want to snuggle and play. i want to kiss kiss kiss.
i desperately want to bottle her up. i want to remember how soft the inside of her hands are. how cool her cheeks feel against my lips. how sweetly she looks at me as she eats. its like she's thanking me for the gift i'm giving her.
sometimes i look back on the day and realize that all i did was watched her and tickled her and kissed her and held her close.
those are the best days of all.

three months

Weight: doesn't have an appointment this month, so i just weighed at home. 14 lbs 6 oz. holy rolls! she 

Height: again, this is just from home, but i got 23.5 inches. she was really wiggly though, and i suspect she's longer.  

Clothing size: a little bit of everything. she wears some 0-3, a lot of 3-6, and even wore a pair of 9 month leggings the other day.  

Diaper size: size 3!! i can't believe it. but she had like 7 blowouts in a row in the 2's so it was time to say goodbye.

Likes: water, of any kind. Raffi Pandora radio. Gatsby. The TV (ugh). Reading (yay) Her swing (finally)

Dislikes: getting out of the bath. being held like a baby. the heat.   

Feeding: She obviously eats well. still about every 2 hours, sometimes sooner sometimes longer. don't know how much she eats, but on the occasion she is offered a bottle, she takes it. so nice! now if only i could bring myself to pump more...
Sleep: weeelllll, she was sleeping like champ, from 10pm-6am, then a quick feed and sasleep again until 8, but this week she has added in a 3am feeding. i am not pleased. she's lucky she's cute.
Milestones: she is smiling, laughing and cooing all the time now. she tries to scoot a lot but her arms get pinned under that belly. sits up well with the boppy. will imitate faces and sounds. discovered her hands and has them in her mouth 24/7.
Mommy and Daddy's best memories this month: everything! she truly gets more fun every day. we love seeing her laugh and play. its exciting to introduce her to precious friends and family she hasn't met. we are ready for a summer full of adventures with the junebug! 

june.

on june 22, 2004 a sweet and shy 15-year-old boy asked me to his girlfriend as we sat in the grass on my best friend's lawn. he had been pursuing me for nearly a year, as my crushes changed monthly, like many 14-year-old girl's do. i remember my excitement when he asked. he was my first real boyfriend. i was his first girlfriend too. i didn't think i would be with him forever, but i knew i could.

on june 17, 2011 we said 'i do.' i walked down the aisle and promised my life to my sweet and shy boy. we kissed, and danced, and cut the cake. we celebrated the past seven years, the years we spent growing up together. we celebrated the forever before us.

on june 24, 2012 the test was positive. i stood in the bathroom, frozen in awe. we had only been trying for one month. one. i called jake into the bedroom and held out the test with watering eyes and shaking hands. 'pregnant.' he grabbed me and we kissed and cried the happiest tears.

june is the thrill the heat brings. it's night swims and popsicle kisses. it's taking the long way home. june is the possibility of summer. it's driving barefoot and sipping coke from a straw. it's eating breakfast in your bathing suit. it's james taylor with windows down. june is the home of my sweetest memories. june is the love we created. june is brielle.

i pray our junebug's life is like a long sweet summer, with passion and peace, night swims and popsicle kisses.

happy june.